Some Tuesday Humor

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.

And......

A collection of documentation statements actually found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records:

* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
* Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
* The skin was moist and dry.
* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
* I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
* Bleeding started in the tailbone area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
* She is numb from her toes down.
* The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
* While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
* Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
* Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
* Patient was alert and unresponsive.
* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
* She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
* On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
* The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
* Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
* Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
* The patient refused autopsy.
* The patient has no previous history of suicides.
* Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
* Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
* Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
* Skin: somewhat pale but present.
* The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
* Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
* Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Do you have a good medical joke? Share!

Reading this on a Monday, this also makes for a nice chuckle. I love the play on words! Nice find. I don't have any to share, really, but I can appreciate this.

Elana